I’ll talk to anyone whether they pay me for it or not!
Up here in the wilds of North-West Scotland the nearest supermarket is 25 miles away and last Saturday morning I headed off there in my car to do the weekly shop. It’s the same journey I’ve done many times before, however, it’s anything but an ordinary drive.
The first part of the journey is along a 15 mile single track road with passing places. There are a string of beautiful lochs, rivers and streams on the right and awe-inspiring mountains on the left. At the foot of one of these mountains is a climbers’ car park. In the depths of winter this car park was completely deserted, not a single car or campervan there for days. But now in late May, when even at 3am there is still light up here, the car park is overflowing.
This year, post pandemic, post Brexit, foreign registered cars and campervans have returned. Germany, Switzerland, Austria, France, Belgium, Netherlands are all well represented but it’s very unusual to see a Swedish registered car.
Passing the car park on Saturday I noticed a black Land Rover with Swedish plates, laden with kit, more kit than I’d ever seen on a Land Rover Defender and standing next to it was the owner.
Now, I’ll talk to anyone whether they pay me for it or not! I was so intrigued by this Swedish registered Defender that I reversed back up the single track, into the car park to speak to him. Having a Swedish friend I know that most Swedes speak English so I launched straight in.
‘Hey, have you sold your house and are living in that?’.
‘Well actually, yes, that’s exactly what I’ve done’ answered Neil.
‘You’re English’ I said, even more intrigued. ‘OK, what’s the story?’.
Neil then told me his amazing story…
He had been working as a heating engineer in the Lofoten Islands, way up near the Artic Circle in Norway. He had built his own dream house there with his own hands. His relationship failed, he injured his back and needed surgery. Post surgery he was prescribed painkillers and was using alcohol. He became depressed and descended into what he called a ‘dark place’.
The new model Land Rover Defender had just been launched. Neil placed his order and made his decision to go travelling in it. He did extensive research on how he wanted to fit it out and nine months later ‘The Beast’ arrived and he set about customising it.
When I met Neil last Saturday his Defender had a roof tent, solar panels and a side awning. He had driven all though Scandinavia, through loads of European countries, England and Wales and that’s when I met him up here in the far north-west of Scotland at the foot of the mountain.
On his journey Neil had met his Austrian girlfriend who was there with him about to climb the mountain. OK – so you’re probably wondering why I’m sharing this story with you in my blog. Well, it illustrates two important therapeutic concepts.
Synchronicity
Carl Jung thought that our concepts of time and space are very limited. He believed that events which seemingly have no apparent connection are not mere coincidences but are related and that if we were able to get outside of ourselves and view these events as if looking down on them from a drone (BTW Neil uses a drone) we could make more sense of them.
What if I had not reversed up the single track on Saturday morning? What if I had left an hour earlier as intended? I would never have connected with Neil or heard his amazingly inspirational story. I had not yet decided what I was going to write about in my blog this month. Just a coincidence?
In supervision I am listening out for thoughts, ideas, stories, events and feelings which appear to have no obvious connection. This is because although apparently unconnected, they can provide me with useful signposts to a client’s unconscious processes. Sometimes you might see me gazing off into the middle distance trying in this process of looking for meaning!
Self Agency
Many of the people we see in our physical or virtual consulting rooms have stories remarkably to Neil’s. Feeling stuck, relational problems, depression, self-medicating. For many there seems no way out. Sometimes they speak of feeling in a downward vortex. Many lack self-agency. Neil’s story illustrates just what self-agency is. Let me explain …
Some people think I’m fed up, I’d love to sell up, buy a 4 x 4, sleep in a tent on top of it and use it to explore the whole of Europe and Scandinavia. OK, great idea. So, what’s on TV tonight? Or, I think I’ll go down the pub. Or, I’ll pour myself another glass of wine. End of. No self- agency, nothing gets done, nothing changes. Stuck.
The first part of self-agency is research and planning. When is the new Defender available? How can I get one? When will I get it? Where can I obtain the add-ons I want to kit it out with? How can I fit them (Neil had fitted a spice rack in the rear door of his Defender). Where do I actually want to go to in it? What insurance do I need? Where can I get it serviced? What will I do if break down in Albania?
The next part of the self-agency process is actually doing it. This entails getting in the car on day 1 and setting out, taking that first step along the road, turning the corner out of your own street. The Chinese proverb goes ‘Even a journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step’. When I met Neil his journey had taken him all of 30,000 miles and he was still on it.
Carl Rogers wrote that as therapists one of our tasks is to facilitate self-actualisation to enable people to realise their full potential. In terms of self-agency this means enabling them to turn a dream into reality, to see an idea, a hope right through to a tangible conclusion. For Neil it was selling his house, getting his Defender, fitting it out and setting off on his journey. All credit to him. Well done Neil.
Until next month,
Allan.
*My thanks to Neil for consenting to me using his story and images in my blog.
Do you have any examples of facilitating self-agency in the people you work with or have personal experience of synchronicity?
If so, I would really love to hear them.